What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 14:12
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Qantas to close low-cost arm Jetstar Asia - CNN
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What is Opec+ up to? - Financial Times
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Netanyahu says ‘we’ll do what we need to do’ with Iran’s leader - Financial Times
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She found it foreign!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Traders Scour for ‘Elusive’ Catalyst to Push S&P 500 to Record - Bloomberg
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
New features added to Nintendo Today! - News - Nintendo Official Site - Nintendo
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
If books could kill: The poison legacy lurking in libraries - BBC
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Yankees get completely manhandled by Dodgers in ghastly blowout loss - New York Post
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
How to reduce the age of the heart by 20 years - Times of India
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ad eveniet eaque et magni illum.
But, we were locked up after school.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I think the readers, may guess!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was seconnd youngest,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It was going to be , some day.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I have no regrets .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who then, do I blame.?
My family never makes their pension either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I don,t even have a pension.
I write beautiful poetry .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was very sick at this time too.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I waited trembling.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She married twice! .
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
This is soul school!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
All the time i was locked up.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What did i know ?
I will be 64.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Was to survive, this bastard.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My life is so biszare .
When she asked me how she looked .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were not on the streets..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was scared of men, in general